Table at Chili's

Let me say this to wrap up my three day holiday weekend: I am thankful. But it was hard, at times. This is hard. This part of our life, this deputation, raising support, living completely on faith-is hard. We started the weekend receiving a three page letter (seriously, three pages) explaining why a couple had decided not to support us. So many emotions flowed through me as we drove home from work Friday afternoon, as I read the letter and processed. I was disapointed, hurt, a little angry, proud, scared, convicted, discouraged, encouraged, hopeful, thankful. I wanted to cry. I am proud of this couple for not supporting us: because they are following the Holy Spirit's leading on their hearts. I know that the Lord has already called each and every one of our supporters and I pray everyday that they following the call on their hearts and step out in faith to support us. I know it must have been hard for this couple to say no, especially since they are family. She wrote three pages for goodness sake-this was not a decision they took lightly. Yes, it hurt. It still hurts. I will still probably have moments wondering why we weren't worthy. Yet I know in my heart, that they are following the Holy Spirit. Just like I am.

After church our friends asked us to join them for lunch. Chili's. How could we say no? Ok, I suggested Chili's but I happen to know they're big fans. As we drove (separately) I said to Josh something like, "I think if they would support us, it would just mean the world. I don't know why, but I feel like that would mean so much." We had a great time at lunch. Talking about their new house. And then they started asking questions. About Italy. And then deeper, about why missions, and why us, and just all these great questions. It was so amazing. Encouraging. Sometimes I feel as if our friends are sick of hearing about it, but this was relaxed, organic conversation. Simply talking about our ministry, and their interest it felt as if God was reassuring my heart and putting my mind at ease, that He was preparing the hearts of our friends and family in His own time. And then he dropped the bomb: "We just want you guys to know we're going to support you." God is amazing. We are so thankful. I am so thankful. Our friends are beside us in this journey.

I believe 'deputation' is a time God created for growth. Some people say yes, some people say no. These are growing pains. The couple who aren't supporting us: I love them to death. The couple who is: I love them too. I loved them before they were supporting us, and I'd love them if they weren't. This time is about letting God lead our supporters, and trusting that He has a plan far greater than mine. I am so thankful for this weekend, emotions and all. I know there is so much more to come. It's so cliche, but when God closes a door He opens a window. This is faith.