Its such a weird word. So many connotations go along with it. People make weird faces. Sometimes I make weird faces.
When I was 16, I thought, hey - I'd be willing to do this. So I should. (Because hardly anyone is actually willing to do it, if you've ever thought even a little bit that you'd do it - you should.)
At 18, I had better ideas. Btw, 18 year olds make stupid decisions.
Nineteen was a better year. With amazing people who wouldn't take no for an answer because they knew better.
Then I met Josh, who wanted to be a missionary. So did I, so it was all good. Then I married him - no going back now. Seriously, I tried a couple times - he REALLY is a missionary. Uh oh. Crap.
We've been preparing for this for a long time. We studied, prayed, gone overseas, fallen in love with countries. I was reminded a couple months ago how much my heart desires to go to China. The possibility arose and I was in tears in seconds. Someday. God is still preparing us. God is using these mountains and valleys and everything in between because it takes years for your heart and mind to train for this. There's no turning back. Our lives (though short) have invested time, energy, sweat and tears into committing to His plan for our lives.
Sometimes I don't get people. Why they want to be teachers or childrens ministers or whatever. (I know, its God's plan for their lives. Whatever.) If you saw their faces, people who instinctively in their very souls know they have no hope, but have no comprehendable idea of what they're searching for. If you really looked at people who'd never even heard the name Jesus before. Have you read the Bible? The lost are our job. The mission of God is that every man would know Him.
(I'm just ranting...sorry to all teachers, children's ministers, accountants whatever.)
My point is...even though there are tiny moments when I'd rather not be prepared anymore for the trials we'll face as missionaries...I couldn't do anything else. I'm ruined for the ordinary. This could never be just it. What I could do though - is spend significant portions of my life telling other people why there are enough Christians and Christian workers in America. There aren't enough missionaries. But...that's not the point today.